Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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