Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
