How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
