so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
