don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
