Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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