so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
