She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
