This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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