I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There's always time for handjobs
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
