Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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