i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
