guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
