I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
