why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
