and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
why is half of my head shaved?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
