to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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