I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
