the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize