Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
