dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
