I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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