i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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