put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my sisters under your porch take her home
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
