The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
