So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
