I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I see more hoeing in ur future
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