pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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