I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
