when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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