I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
