We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
