i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
