I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
