I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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