She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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