The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
