Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize