made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
