Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
