I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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