dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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