you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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