And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
