How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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