im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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