She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
