I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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