they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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