I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
