Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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