i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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