I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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