Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize