That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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