How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
