Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize