lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
