"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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