I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
