it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
