Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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