Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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