i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
