I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
