sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
sarcasm needs its own font
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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