Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
