Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize