First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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